Vitamin C

When someone walks into triage and says “Uhh…there’s someone in the parking lot- tweaking out in their car,” you know you’re in for a treat.

I walk out to the lot and find said tweaker, and after introducing myself, and writing down my name as well (first and last as per request,) I set about my investigation…

Are you wanting to be seen in the emergency room today? The answer?…completely unintelligible. Oh yeah, sure, let me hold your soaking wet backpack for you while you fidget with your ziploc bag full of pot residue and leftover crumbs. Better bring that receipt that you found on the passenger side floor- that definitely looks important.

Yes, you are correct; to be seen in the emergency room is your constitutional right- this wheelchair is your portal to a healthy and renewed life…

After a triage process with little or no relevance to the visit, we head back to our room- as per the constitution. Wow, we certainly do have a lot of energy today. Vital signs are a total disaster- the inflating blood pressure cuff is obviously the most intolerable of all things and just about causes a complete and utter meltdown. I’ll just go ahead and put the chart up and let the doctor know that he’s got a new patient to see.

Enter doctor, I remain in the room- partly for the safety of all involved parties and partly for my own interest in the unfolding drama.

The doctor starts in with his questions:

So what’s been going on, why are you being seen today… and so forth.

Then he gets to: What have you taken today?

I’ve taken all kinds of stuff: lisinopril, vicodeine, vitamin c, vitamin b, vitamin e…

Doc: Ok, I wanna talk about vitamin C- Vitamin Crack…

It was all I could do to keep a straight face…the patient was so “cracked out” that they didn’t even miss a beat and just started in talking about smoking crack. It wasn’t the most professional thing I’ve ever seen, but in the stressful context of the situation, it was just what was needed to lighten the mood.

Plus…I think the patient rather liked talking about crack. They were…passionate about crack.


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