Tased and Confused

Here Comes the Pain

Ever been tased? Yeah, me either…except for a few times as a teenager with friends….with tasers from the corner store. Never have I experienced the shock that comes from two electrically charged barbs stabbing into me and lighting me up like the first smoke of a discharged patient. The feeling that causes grown men to fall down, curl up into the fetal position and sometimes wet themselves is foreign to me- and I’d like to keep it that way.

We often get patients brought in via police chauffeur that have been tased. If the barbs end up sticking in a tricky place, the patient may show up with jewelry in place- to have them removed by a doctor. I’ve never been in law enforcement but it seems that most times someone has been tased, they deserved it. Still…some of these tasings seem like they are just down right awful…hopefully enough to get the recieving party to think about changing their ways.

There’s no way for the user to control where the two magical taser barbs end up, and when you’re doing push-ups in the hallway- trying to pump yourself up for police confrontation…you’re just asking for it.

I always thought push-ups were a great source of exercise and could offer great health benefits. Even though I’m on a program to get to 1000 pushups a day (I’m at 500 right now,) if an officer of the law is drawing down on me with a taser, I won’t try to scare him off with a round of pushups. Oh no…he can lift his own body weight repetitively…we better just leave…

Ever licked a nine volt battery? Try licking 900 nine volts-at once. That’s what it’s like when one of the taser barbs ends up stuck in your tongue as you try to spring up from your last super-set of pushups. Getting your tongue pierced looks painful enough, but sticking my wet, freshly pierced tongue on an electric fence…no thanks.

As it turns out, it’s hard to make your raps sound cool with a taser barb and half a foot of wire hanging out of your mouth.

One thought on “Tased and Confused

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