Now that I’ve been writing about the emergency room for almost three months- I get a fair amount of traffic from search engines. I recently reviewed the list of phrases that people have searched for- that brought them to my site. Some are quite interesting to say the least.
- “medical disimpaction stories”
So basically this person wanted to find stories about constipated people having fecal matter dug out of them…gross- but I can think of situations where this would make sense. Maybe it’s a medical student doing a project. Maybe someone is quite constipated and wants to know what might loom ahead. Who knows? Not me- and I want to keep it that way.
- “What happens if you get tasered and have a tongue piercing”
- “What happens if taser barbs are stuck in you”
Clearly, these are people who foresee the possibility of getting tasered as a part of there imminent future. Are they wondering if they should take the tongue piercing out before they get rowdy? What happens if taser barbs are stuck in you- uhhh…they taze the crap out of you and you fall down- wetting yourself.
- “rubbing my cock against urinals”
Hmmm…this is just disturbing. Why would you ever search for such a thing…and even more disturbing …what comes up when you do? I’m gonna leave that one alone.
- “Would the emergency room detect ativan being in my system”
It’s quite evident to me- from my time working in the emergency room that some of our patients are quite devious and find ways to get the most out of their “experience.” This last search term really made me laugh…someone was doing their research.
- “how can a er patient know for sure they will be leaving with a script for vicodin 2012”
Wow…way to do your homework! Someone is trying to find a specific problem to list as their chief complaint- so that they’ll be assured a fill of some narcs. Maybe there is a forum for drug seekers- where they share their tips and tricks? They threw 2012 in there…let’s make sure this is a current strategy and not something outdated- right?
It’s an interesting dynamic in the emergency room. I’ll just say- I’m happy, I’m not the one with the prescription pad.